Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
