dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
