ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
