Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
