; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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