How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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