Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
