My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
