I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
