why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the day after is always just damage control
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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