just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
