Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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