Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
