small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
