After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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