Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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