I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we made out on top of his cat.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Randomize
