Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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