I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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