dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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