so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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