i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you made out with another girl for some wings
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
