Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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