can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize