I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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