Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
