did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
