just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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