oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
