New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
