U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
