i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
