Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
