Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
