1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just want nice things and good sex
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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