you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
