And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
