I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
