My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
