Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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