why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
