My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
What a dumb baby whore.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
