It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
