Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
