The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
