you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
