big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
