Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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