I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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