Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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