I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
