WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
