Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize