No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
