I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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