The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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