Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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