Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
