I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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