worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
