Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
