apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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