Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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