Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
