you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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