Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
