Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
