how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
