Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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