I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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