I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
