so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
