Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
