I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
