I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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